Untitled Poem

Processed with VSCOcam with t1 preset

Untitled Poem

AJ Butler (photography by Sophia)

I’ve loved you

And hated you

I missed you

When we stopped talking

But the thing is

I missed you more

When we were talking

And I don’t understand

How that is possible.

You were never all the way there.

Whenever I heard about you

I would perk up,

Like a puppy

Running to the door

With yipping barks,

Undaunted admiration.

No longer do I answer

To your every whim

I show no response,

When the syllables

That form your name

Are uttered into the open air,

Hanging their,

Like an uncomfortable chill.

You are a piece of glass

Shattered, into so many pieces,

Beaten and ground down

That you turn to sand.

I tried to be feminine

Soft and caring

Letting you mold me

Into what you needed.

My body was an hourglass

Trying to hold you, the sand.

Every time the tides turned

I would be spun upside down

And like a literal hourglass

Full of sand

You’d escape the other way.

Constantly running out of time

And your mental balance

Constantly lapsing at the shore

Between sanity and insanity.

You were electricity,

Running through my veins

Making me into a time bomb.

Anyone who would come in contact

Would experience the frazzling shock

Of my touch.

You are a moth light

Drawing in confused butterflies

Never being able to see the beauty

In their own wings,

You reflect light then kill and destroy

The beauty with your intensity.

You leave a path of destruction

Behind you

For all you come from is pain

You were born,

From burnt charred remains

Of broken dreams

And physical lust

Forced and bandaged into a family.

Your values are as frayed

As my favorite shirt

Gone through dozens of washing cycles.

You were everything

Yet you are as insignificant

As any analogy

My battered brain

Can string together

With my welding and melting,

Of the English language.

No longer do I idolize you.

No longer do I worship

The ground you trod on

For you do not stop

To view the dandelions

You do not admire the flowers

You pluck them up with childish hands

And rip the petals away

Finding no beauty

In the wilted stems your hands leave.

In trying to even the petals out

Trying to perfect things

That were already astonishing

You destroyed everything

And threw them back into the dirt.

The amazing thing about dandelions though

Is that they grow back with a vigor

And that’s what I’m doing now.

Without your hulking shadow

Leering into my thoughts

I am growing and blooming.

People may say that dandelions are weeds

But they are what you blow on for wishes,

Make flower crowns from

And they are ever so strong.

Processed with VSCOcam with t1 preset

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